The story of middust:

Middust is a combination of my grandmother's name, Mildred and the region where my childhood and creativity developed, the midwest. Friends and neighbors called her Mid. I called her Nonnie.

The spring of 2001 Mid fell ill and was diagnosed with cancer. I was fortunate to spend Mildred's last two weeks at her hospice bed. It was a humbling experience however I found it frightening and odd that she insisted the TV remain turned on. As a widow for 12 years she was accustomed to the company of television. It connected her to the world; it gave her the weather predictions that she loved to talk about. The weather was boss. She was born and raised with the weather. As a farmer and a farmer's wife, the weather determined her livelihood. For most people the weather is a superficial thing to chat about, but for farmers it determines the crop yield, their future.

In the hospice bed Mid could not see the television very clearly. In her words "It looks like a postage stamp." I guess the combination of morphine and not wearing her glasses had made the television appear to shrink. She was somewhat conscious of the people in her room, but quick to notice if we turned the TV on or off. As she became more lucid she began to give up on TV. Her obsession with the TV switched to the flowers. Although the flowers were near the window and regularly attended to by her visitors she was concerned they were facing the wrong direction and needed watering every 1/2 hour.

As the week swam by she began to lose interest in the things in the room. Her dependence on these objects was no longer necessary to orient her to the surroundings. Her focus became her pain, her thirst, her loved ones, and she had to see her priest. Once the people for whom she cared about arrived from all over the country, she was ready to leave all of it behind. She died peacefully and free from the object world.

Since her death I have had dreams of her house. Airplanes fly from all directions out of low clouds in the sky. I stand in the driveway wondering if I should seek shelter as if a tornado is approaching. I decide that if I take shelter in the basement and an airplane lands on the house I will be trapped. I stand outside and take an active approach and run from the planes.

I am inspired by the images that are evoked from my memories of Nonnie (Mildred) and her departure. The word middust is the combination of what I do and where I am from.